The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
