How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
