I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
