This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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