U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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