I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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