Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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