in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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