All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize