so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
