but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize