My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
