I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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