Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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