remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Someone signed my nipple.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize