I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
