if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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