i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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