i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
