I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Omg I joined a choir last night...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
