and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
