I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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