Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
