this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize