feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
