I didn't shave. On purpose
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
