If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
