I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
