how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
