I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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