I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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