I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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