i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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