yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
