Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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