He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
