also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
