so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
