i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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