Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
