I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
