You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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