fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
