hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
