hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
