the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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