just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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