I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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