Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
