but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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