My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Come share oat with me in your robe
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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