I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize