dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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