I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
