We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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