Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
