Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
