you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
