all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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