I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
