When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I believe in your delicious
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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