Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
