Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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