in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
