Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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