So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
