You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
