You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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