I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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