it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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