I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
