My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
