I cockslap morals
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
