Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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