That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
