I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
