Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize