You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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