shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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