How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize