He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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