Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
