Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
