i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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