Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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