Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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