He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
