you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm passing your future prison.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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