She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
