she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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