I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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