so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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