why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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