Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
