Soap is not a condiment
My underwear smells like fireworks.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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