your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
