idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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