I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
