its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
