when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
