I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
