shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
