She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
