Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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