I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
As shirtless as possible
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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