I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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