hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So drunk its hurt
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
