talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
