I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
