More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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