No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
