Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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