you guys were way drunker than both of me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
