I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize