I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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