Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
