Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I understand Curling. That high.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
