Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Holy sore nipples Batman
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
