You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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