who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
