I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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