party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
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