The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Small penises have feelings too.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
