i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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