Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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